The Forest

Write a descriptive story, The Forest, about you exploring a forest with eerie occurrences. In your writing, create a sense of mystery and atmosphere. Write about 600-900 words.


     It was a Sunday morning in North Carolina, the bright-yellowed sun striking my eyes through the windows of my dark bedroom, as I hardly tried to wake up. It was a very exciting day because I get to go to New York with my friends: Jake, Alyssa, Noah, and Michael, to move to our new apartment that we were all going to share while attending NYU. It was all our first year, not knowing what to do. I got out of my bedroom and started to get ready because my friends were picking me up in fifteen minutes; I ate an avocado toast as fast as I could and within finishing it, BEEP BEEP, my ride was here.


     I suddenly grabbed my suitcases and headed out the door and put it in the back of Noah’s black Jeep. We were all so excited, the songs blasting and the wind blowing against our hair. Then all of a sudden it went quiet, within 3 hours of being in the car, Noah’s car ran out of gas, and was forced to stop in the middle of a road. This road seemed very peculiar, seemed only we were the only ones on this road. We all tried to grab our phones and tried to call the police, but there was no signal at all. Are we stranded? What is going to happen? As I’m thinking to myself being paranoid. 


     I pulled out my GPS and saw that we were within 80 miles to the next town. “What are we going to do?” Alyssa said as she was having a panic attack. Michael replied, “Can’t we just wait a little to see if any cars come by?” Everyone shook their heads and just stood their waiting there for the next car to come by. I’ve never been so impatient in my life. It’s been two hours, and no cars have even shown up. “I can’t wait anymore! Why don’t we just walk through the woods. It’ll be faster to arrive to Lynchburg, than walking through the woods.” Jake said as he was furious and he was grinding his teeth. “We can’t just leave the car! What if someone shows up?” Noah replied. “You can either come with me and go to Lynchburg faster or just wait here and receive no help.” Jake said as he was starting to cross the road and walk in the woods. We all started grabbing our things from the car and started following Jake.


     Within 5 minutes of being in the forest these tall, brown sequoia trees were everywhere. They were the tallest things I’ve ever seen in my life. It was 6PM, as I’m looking on my phone, which means the sun is setting from the west side. The sky started to become darker and darker every second, as the bright stars, trillion of miles away, started to become visible with the naked eye. The night becoming colder and colder as having a jacket around me. We’ve been walking an hour and the sound of my stomach rumbling, begging to have food. 


     We all decided to have a little break and set up a little campfire to keep warm and sit down. Ahhhhhh, as I said to myself taking a break from the bitter cold, sitting as close as possible to the warm, yellow-orange fire flaking up against the air. We all looked in our bags and all we had were snacks such as chips, bananas, fruits, water, sandwiches, and granola bars. As I started to eat my chips, a blast of bitterly cold wind just struck against my body and took out the fire. “What’s going on? I’m scared.” Alyssa said as all of us were stunned. 


     Hahaha. The sound of a little child laughing in the distance of us. We didn’t know where the child was. We all started to pack our stuff and started to leave the premises. We ran as fast as we would. As soon as we stopped, AHHHHHH, Noah, and Jake screamed in panic as Alyssa and I ran towards them. Within 4 feet of us standing, we saw small voodoo dolls hung up in trees with the names of people carved in the sequoia trees. Hehe Haha, the sound of that sinister voice continues to come. “Who is that?” Jake shouted out as he turned on his flashlight to take a better look within the distance. 


      A small little girl, with long black hair, holding a teddy bear, looked straight towards us. As she flipped her hair back, the red blood drops of her tears, dripped down to the unsaturated dry ground, as she tries to run towards us. We run as quickly as possible, and suddenly everything stopped after coming to a lake. 


     We found that right across the lake was the town! “Guys we finally did it!” Alyssa said as she was gasping for air, taking deep breaths. Once we got to it, we went straight to the police station, where we explained the situation on how we saw a little girl running towards us. “Which forest did you guys come running into?” The police officer said as he retained the information asking us curiously. “The one right across the lake, I don’t know the name of it,” I said taking deep breaths, still being exhausted from running. “Oh boy! Y'all are luck because that forest is haunted by the famous little girl that has killed over 50 people.” I can’t believe I’m alive.

Comments

  1. The Cat in the HatMarch 28, 2022 at 3:06 PM

    Hi Shahz!

    Overall I enjoyed reading your writing. I could tell that you put in a lot of effort, as you tried to keep the reader entertained. With this being said, I felt that you could have addressed the audience better by using more sensory imagery. This is imagery using your five senses. This would allow them to feel what you are feeling as the writer. You talk about foods a lot, like the “avocado toast”, and you could have described the taste or smell. I think the biggest thing you were missing from this piece was describing the forest more in depth to the reader. The only time you write abut the woods is when you describe the “sequoia trees''. The forest should have been your main focus though, and that should have been apparent to the reader.
    I believe that you generally achieved the task, as you created an eerie presence and you described the mystery. You did briefly mention the forest, but your description of the forest should have been more apparent. For instance, I used entire paragraphs to describe the trees in the forest, the weather and the atmosphere.
    Additionally, you used paragraphs to organize your text, which is great, but they weren’t separated by idea. I believe that your paragraphs definitely accomplished telling a story, but you didn’t describe the story very well. This could have easily been done in many areas, but an example of this would have been with the “little child”. You could have used an entire paragraph to describe the child, and it would have made the story even more eerie.
    You do have frequent errors. This includes misspelling certain words and forgetting commas, but this did not impede on your communication at all. An example of this would be you stating “would” instead of could.
    Finally, you use clear expressions. You do this by varying your sentence structure. You used shome run-on sentences, and some brief sentences. If you continued to use this in describing your story better, this could have been very beneficial. You did accomplish creating an eerie atmosphere, but you could have used buzz words to directly state this. You could have directly used the word “atmosphere” or used other words like “environment” or “aura”.

    Score: 10/25

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  2. Giles CoreyMarch 29, 2022 at 8:28 AM

    There is an effective expression and a range of language within the blog. Your descriptions of the atmosphere and setting were great. They were seen throughout the blog and gave it another aspect to enjoy. There are next to no errors in the text, so great job with that. The text is organized and ideas are developed correctly. Your ideas were great for the blog, the story was very immersing. Keep it up! The task is achieved with relevant content. I give you 18/25 marks. Great work bro

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