Question 2, 1a and 1b,
Welcome to Marco Island Academy
Marco Island Academy, a brand new high school that just transferred to a new building; where you can learn, innovate and grow by just excelling well on your first week here with us.
First Weeks and Joining Clubs
First weeks can be stressful, not knowing where your classrooms are and not knowing any one. Here we offer a student orientation where you can know where your classrooms are and can offer clubs such as: Chess Club, Key Club, SGA, and many more. With these clubs you can easily make friends due to our lovely students, whom we call all of us, a family.
Providing safety and security to our students and faculty
With our new innovative building, we now have our own personalized passes. With these passes-lanyards- you can easily press your lanyard against the black box near each one of these doors, and once you’ve done so, the light on the box will turn green.
With this security, it can dramatically decrease the threat we have coming to our campus, and allowing the students and teachers to have a safe day, not having to worry about nothing, except learning.
During code reds, we have a special lock on the bottom right side of the door where we put a ride hook on it. By doing this, it can add an extra 1,500 pound force of someone trying to enter the classroom. How impressive!
Sports and Academics
At MIA, we provide sports including: cross country, swimming, track, tennis, football, cheerleading, basketball, baseball, volleyball and soccer. We our impressive and delicate coaches, they can provide you a successful scholarship and the amount of trophies we’ve won, 42.
Our honorary program, National Honors Society, which can provide hundreds and thousands of scholarship funds to you, are available to students for those that have maintained a GPA of 3.5 and above and access to an honorary cord at graduation.
By enrolling in the ‘Honors’ program for subjects that you excel, you don’t just only improve and get erudite, but also boost up your GPA.
Our AICE program can save your child a total amount of thousands of dollars for scholarships. AICE is a college program, ran by Camrbridge University at the UK. You need a total of 7 passing scores: math class, language class, science class to earn this diploma.
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COMENTARY:
I added subheadings to my leaflet such as ‘Welcome to Marco Island Academy’ and ‘Sports and Academics’ to give an overall understanding of the topic of what the students are going to be reading. It can also be helpful for students by them reading the subheading, to know what they need to know, or easier for them to know more information, rather than trying to find what they’re looking for.
I also provided one to two sentence paragraphs, which can look neater and easier for the reader to read and how they give a slight different explanation of the subheading more in-depth.
By also providing quantitative data such as ‘3.5’, ‘7’, ‘42’, can make students want to enroll and join those ‘clubs’, or ‘program’ to excel on their education. I also provided them facts, ‘You need a total of 7 passing scores’ can persuade them to join these ‘programs’ to save ‘hundrends and thousands of dollars’ to colleges.
By allowing students to provide a security protection, it can enhance the students to stay here longer, than them going to other schools of not knowing that their school could be endanger.
AO2: 5/15
ReplyDeleteYour writing was very hard to read. There were many grammatical errors that impeded the communication, and made it difficult for the reader to understand. “We our impressive and delicate coaches” “not having to worry about nothing” and “not knowing any one” are only a few of your grammatical errors that made your writing hard to read. Your writing was somewhat organized with subheadings and headings, however I believe that the order in which you introduced new topics was very ineffective. As the audience goes, you hardly addressed them, and simply described different characteristics of the school. This calls for a score of 5/15
AO3: 4/10
Your commentary did not mention form, language or structure once. You provided the example of “one to two sentence paragraphs” and how that affected your writing, but you did not say that this is an example of the structure that you used. This requires the score of a 4.
9/25
AO2:
ReplyDeleteFor the first point, I would score you at a level three. There are only a few minor details that made me score you one level lower. One of the main details is your habit to list things For example, in the same sports and academics section you used the colon to list things twice. I would advice diversifying your writing in order to improve your score. This is on the way to a level 4 response.
For the second point, I would score this at a level 3. There are a few minor errors, most of which do not effect communication. But some like, “We our impressive and delicate coaches” have to make the reader stop and think about what was meant to be said. This does impede communication, reducing this point to a level 3.
For the third point, I would score this at a level 3. I feel that you have covered all the information that you would want to cover, but I also feel that the information was slightly misplaced. Jumping from clubs, to security, and back to activities show incoherence in the writing. I would suggest moving the security towards the top or bottom and keep academic and physical activities somewhat grouped together.
For the fourth point, I would score you at a level 4, you did a great job at introducing the safety proceders and addressing any stress that new students may encounter in there first week. The content is also very relevant to the “first week at school” prompt that was given.
For the fifth point, I would score you at a level 3. You did a great job at the beginning at engaging and resting to the audience, “First weeks can be stressful,” but then you dwindled down and started focusing on information. The information portion is great but you fell behind on audience engagement.
In sum, I believe that you have reached the 9-10 mark range for AO2.
AO3:
For your AO3 level I would score you at a 3. Possibly on the way to a level 4. I scored this a level 3 because you were able to identify form, structure, and language and identify certain things you said or did in order to improve your overall writing. Although I do not feel that all of the necessary points were hit in order to reach a level 4 understanding for part b of this question. I would advice better explaining the form and language portions for this commentary.